


Nothing left but open wounds

by MFGLHY



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Love, Character Death, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, Kim Hongjoong-centric, M/M, Not Beta Read, OT8, One-Sided Love, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Romance, Romantic Relationship, Sad Ending, Team as Family, The Author Regrets Nothing, Unrequited Love, What Have I Done, whether it was platonic or romantic all up to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27821359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MFGLHY/pseuds/MFGLHY
Summary: He can’t, he loved all of them too much. He can’t let go these flowers on his lungs and heart, it was the reason that he can live every day. Every single of them is special, he holds them too close to his heart, the result of his own action makes him die from his love to them.Every time a flower bloomed inside his chest, he withered with every cough, every single petals and flower he coughed. His eyes become duller the longer he drags it out, making him tired emotionally and physically.His small frame wrecked by every cough that was shaking his body.*Also Crossposted onWattpad!
Relationships: Choi Jongho & Kim Hongjoong, Choi Jongho/Kim Hongjoong, Choi San & Kim Hongjoong, Choi San/Kim Hongjoong, Jeong Yunho & Kim Hongjoong, Jeong Yunho/Kim Hongjoong, Jung Wooyoung/Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang & Kim Hongjoong, Kang Yeosang/Kim Hongjoong, Kim Hongjoong & Everyone, Kim Hongjoong & Jung Wooyoung, Kim Hongjoong & Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong & Song Mingi, Kim Hongjoong/Everyone, Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa, Kim Hongjoong/Song Mingi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Nothing left but open wounds

**Author's Note:**

> Please do enjoy!  
> I'm sorry if there are any mistakes  
> this is unbeta'ed after all.

He slumped against the door, as he holds back his sobs. He didn’t mean to do this to them, but how can he tell them this?

It hurts him, he never meant to have this.

“Hyung, come out.”

He huddled in bed, hiding his face from all the danger outside. He can’t tell them; he shouldn’t tell them any of this. He can cope up with this just fine. Even though he knew his life isn’t long anymore. he can count how many weeks he had left.

“No.”

He shouted at his member outside the room with his hoarse voice, he knew all of his members knew that he just coughed flowers from mouth. He didn’t mean to show them the horrific sight, they were gasping as he coughed flowers from his pale lips.

“Hyung, please…”

He heard their voice pleading him to come out from the room. He stubbornly stays in the room he shared with Seonghwa. He knew his decision isn’t logical but seeing them, it makes his throat itch at the threatening flower coming out from his lips.

As the silence filled out the dorm, he knows that they’re giving up making him come out from the room. He buried his face in his pillow, hoping his cries aren’t coming out from the room. He sobbed; at the piercing pain he felt every time sobs wrecking his form.

He shouldn’t let themselves worried about him. he’s a dead man after all. No matter what they did, it wouldn’t make him instantly better. He’s been too deep in these feelings.

He can only let himself go, he already feels the slowly vines wrapping themselves on his lungs and heart. Slowly suffocating him, and when his body can withstand it anymore, his chest would burst with flowers.

The thought didn’t comfort him at all.

+++

He woke up startled with the sounds of his members banging the room’s door. He immediately unlocks the door, even though he hesitated to let them in. he didn’t want to see their sad faces, he only wanted to remember their happy expression. Before he got this disease.

As he unlocked the door, immediately the door opened with a loud bang.

The first one to face him is Seonghwa.

He looked at him in the eyes and immediately hugged him tightly, not letting him go. And the rest of members joining both of them in the hugs.

Even though he didn’t want to break this beautiful moment, his body says else, and a cough wrecked his body. Making him fall down on his knees, as he heaved flowers from his lips. He can feel his breath become ragged.

All of them are looking at him with worried expression etched on their faces. The look didn’t suit any of them, he didn’t like that because of him their expression changed to that.

Jongho was the first one to approach him, lifted him to the couch in their living room. He let himself lifted, he can’t even muster strength to voice out his thought.

Jongho lifted Hongjoong easily, he can’t believe himself that his leader is this light. It was like he wasn’t lifting anything at the weight he feels on his arms.

“Hyung, did you even eat?”

He muttered as he put down Hongjoong on the couch. Kneeling down, touching Hongjoong’s knee, as Hongjoong stay silent motionlessly. He can’t even recognize the leader anymore.

“Hongjoong,” Seonghwa called out with a sad expression etched on his face.

He let his eyes darted to the rest of members, he wants to wipe out the sad expression from their faces. But he knew, he was the source of their pained expression.

“Yeah,” he rasped out, as an itch suddenly appeared once again on his throat.

He immediately bowed down his head, trying to hold his mouth from letting out anymore flowers. It’s hard to hold his urge to cough, as he was surrounded by the source of it.

“Who is it?”

At this question, Hongjoong almost let out an exasperated laugh but the itch hindered him to do so. He wanted to shout at them, that it was all of them. But he can’t do that, so he stays quiet.

“Hyung, please, tell us.”

His eyes darted to another direction; he didn’t want to say it.

“Who is it? you can tell us, Hyung.”

This time Wooyoung was the one trying to persuade him after San. His eyes are pleading at him to open his mouth and just spit it out already. At this point he didn’t even feel himself was coughing as his body shaking at the force he was coughing.

He cupped his mouth with his hands, letting the flowers flowing out from his lungs. There are many kinds of flowers flowing from his mouth, each of them was for his members. It was his feelings for each of them, bitter smile was etched on his lips.

Mingi’s body was trembling as he saw his leader coughing out seven kinds of flower with variable colors, it was beautiful, but as he saw his leader bowed down his head with his body frame shaking with every cough; it wasn’t beautiful anymore, it was terrifying to see him like this.

San was the one to spoke up, “It was us, wasn’t it Hyung?”

Hongjoong froze for a moment at San’s guess, but his fragile frame shook once again as his cough become stronger the longer he stays with his members. He tries to deny San’s claim, he shakes his head rapidly. Lifting his head, opening his eyes seeing his members blurry figure through his watery eyes, throat hurting from all the coughing.

“ _No_.” he rasped out, in between of his coughing fits.

He squinted his eyes, trying to see his members through his watery eyes. But all he can see is their blurry figure, he can make out that Yeosang approached him. he flinched when he feels the cold touch from Yeosang’s hands.

“Hyung, it’s us isn’t it?”

Hongjoong shakes his head frantically, trying to deny their claim. Muttering “No’s” rapidly as he feels Yeosang’s hold on him slowly tightened, he can feel bruise forming on his already tiny wrist. he let out a wince as the pain become unbearable.

Yunho immediately pulls Yeosang’s hand as he heard Hongjoong let out a quiet wince, he almost missed it, Yeosang realized that he was hurting their leader wrist. he immediately pulls his hand from Hongjoong’s wrist, he let out a wince as he saw Hongjoong’s wrist become blue from the pressure.

“I’m sorry.”

He muttered out an apology to his leader’s delirious form, he regretted the way he was handling the situation. He was too forceful to Hongjoong.

“It’s fine…”

“No, it’s not Hyung. How can you say it’s fine when you are dying because of us?”

Yunho asked to Hongjoong calmly, as hesitantly let his hand gently ran through his leader’s hair; making Hongjoong leaned into the gentle touches. His eyes fluttering close as Yunho’s hand carding through his hair.

“Why?”

It was a single word uttered by Mingi, that makes him break down. Tears started to pool on his eyes, he let out a heart wrenching sound. he can feel the vines that were on his lungs and heart slowly creeping tighter around his lungs and heart, he let out a gasp. Placing his hand on his chest as he struggling to breath.

His state was swimming between unconsciousness and conscious. He can see his members panicked as they saw him struggling on the couch.

“H—Hah, Ha—hah. I-it’s fi-fine.” He stammered out as he still gasping for air.

The vines slowly stopped its movement on his lungs and heart, he can feel vines constricting his every chest movement. It doesn’t stop there, the flowers were threatening to spill out again from his lips. He holds back the cough, he didn’t want to make his members worried even more than they already are.

He let out a wheeze, as he holds back the cough.

“Hyung.”

His eyes darted to the source of voice, he let a tired smile etched on his lips in attempt to comfort them. even though he knew it was pointless at this point to comfort them, he knew any moment now he can die, it was the last stage of his Hanahaki disease.

“Hongjoong,”

He turned his eyes to meet Seonghwa’s face trailing down with tears, choking with a sob in his own throat, he can see that Seonghwa tried to stay calm in this situation but with him suddenly goes to a coughing fit, he wasn’t even sure Seonghwa can stay calm through all of this ordeal.

“Please don’t die, don’t risk your life for this one-sided love.”

Seonghwa pleaded as kneeled down in front of him, wrapping his hand with his own. Tears still streamed down his beautiful face, Hongjoong let his hand erase the tears gently from his face, feeling weak from all the coughing fits.

“I’ll try,” He said to Seonghwa wryly, he can’t bear to tell him the bitter truth.

“Hyung,”

This time Mingi called out him, with his hand wrapping around his own, squeezing it lightly. In attempt to comfort the younger, but even then, he can see tears trailing down from the younger face. It hurts him to see them become like this because of him, but he was already too deep, too far to go back to the surface. He was drowning in his feelings and these flowers in his lungs and heart, these flowers vines already tangled up in his lungs, almost crushing his still beating heart.

“Please Hyung, get surgery.”

Hongjoong shakes his head lightly, squeezing Mingi’s hand signaling him that it was impossible. He opened his mouth to let out a cough without any flowers coming out. chest heaving up and down with him breathing heavily through his mouth and nose.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Hyung, please be sensible.” Pleaded Jongho, as he tried to hold back his tears.

“It’s fine, I’m ready to die.”

Hongjoong rasped out, as his chest heaving up and down with a little bit stutter every time he takes a deep breath throughout his nose and mouth.

“Hyung, please…”

Wooyoung pleaded as he take Hongjoong’s hand and put it on his cheek, lean into his leader’s small hand. his cheeks trailed with droplet of tears, making Hongjoong moved his hand to erase the tears from his bandmate’s face.

He can’t, he loved all of them too much. He can’t let go these flowers on his lungs and heart, it was the reason that he can live every day. Every single of them is special, he holds them too close to his heart, the result of his own action makes him die from his love to them.

Every time a flower bloomed inside his chest, he withered with every cough, every single petals and flower he coughed. His eyes become duller the longer he drags it out, making him tired emotionally and physically.

His small frame wrecked by every cough that was shaking his body.

“Hyung, it’s our fault, we’re sorry that we can’t return your feelings.”

“No, it’s not your fault, it’s my own.”

He rasped out, as he let a smile etched on his lips. Yunho let out a choked sob as the realization hit him hard, his leader only had a short time left as every cough and flowers that escaped through his lips, decreasing the time that he had left.

San stays silent throughout the exchange his leader had with the other members, his expression stays emotionless not letting his sadness bleed through his face. He can’t say anything to his leader, he didn’t have anything to say to his leader. All he had is his heart, slowly cracking as he knew that Hongjoong wouldn’t even had more time left.

Yeosang was the one that was crying the hardest from the rest of members comparable to Mingi, as he let out sobs. Tears trailing down, his hands trembled hard as he let his hand trailing to his leader’s smiling face.

“Hyung, please… don’t die.”

Yeosang babbled as he was sobbing uncontrollably, Hongjoong smiled in attempt to comfort him.

+++

It was already nighttime yet, his members didn’t even leave him alone. Not giving him any chance to wallowing in his self-hatred and what if.

He smiled but his smile faltered as he remembered his time already short, he still can feel the vines slowly crushing his lungs and heart, with flowers filling his chest almost bursting out.

He put his hands on his chest, holding himself as another coughing fits hit him hard.

Hongjoong felt it, his chest was to the point of bursting with flowers, he coughed out flowers from his mouth. His eyes pool with tears as he was pained by every flower he coughed. He can make out that his members were in panic as he saw him coughing endless flower from his lungs.

He knew, he can see that they were trying to help him.

But it was pointless at this point, they can’t do anything. He was already on his deathbed, with every cough his power diminished, he can feel his eyes fluttering to close.

With one last cough, flowers were bursting through his chest, mouth was full of flowers.

He can hear it, even though it was muffled, he can hear their scream in horror as blood spattered everywhere from his chest and the flowers around him was coated with his blood.

+++

All of them stood there, froze on the spot.

Seeing their leader surrounded by his own flowers from his lungs, chest filled with flowers, mouth was full of flowers. He would look angelic if not for the flowers were coated by Hongjoong’s blood and blood spattered everywhere.

The room immediately filled with the sounds of scream of sorrow and horror.

Hongjoong died surrounded by his flowers and his beloved members.

**Author's Note:**

> Their Flowers and meaning
> 
> Seonghwa : Yarrow = Everlasting love  
> Yunho : Pink Camellia = Longing for you  
> Yeosang : Gardenia = Secret love  
> San : Dwarf Sunflower = Adoration  
> Mingi : Red Chrysanthemum = I love you  
> Wooyoung : Yellow Tulip = sunshine in your smile  
> Jongho : White Carnation = Innocence, pure love
> 
> I don't know if it was accurate interpretation or not, but it was their flower that I was thinking of.
> 
> Thank you for reading!  
> If you like it leave a kudos or a comment!
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/mfglhy)   
>  [tumblr](https://mfghly.tumblr.com)


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